I am an old fart

I'd rather have a cup of tea than a beer
I don't like loud music
I like a pub where you can sit down and hear what you're pub-partner is saying
I couldn't name anything in the Top Ten
Or the Top Twenty
Or Top Fifty come to that
I watch AND ENJOY 'Midsommer Murders'
I listen to music 'with a proper tune'.
I only dance when it's absolutely necessary (or when I'm very pished)
I'm not sure I agree with 'odd' flavoured crisps (I'll stick to the classics thank you)
I hold on to my pen until it's run dry, if I lose it or someone nicks it (Beth) I get upset
I drink ale not lager
I would rather go to the cinema than a night-club
I would rather go to the theatre than a night-club
I would rather go to bed than a night-club
I have special 'cozy' trousers I change in to when I get home from work
I can remember the theme tune to the old kids TV show 'The Adventure Game' but not what Beth told me to remember yesterday
My conversations tend to start with, "You know old so-and-so, you know... thingie..."
I think Russel Brand is a fashion victim and looks like a girl
I have a special painty stick that I use for stirring paint (it's an old wooden spoon)
I have shops and brands that "I will never be caught dead in"
I use the word 'daresay'
I have spare lightbulbs in my cupboard
I sometimes fart when I lift something heavy
I want some driving gloves
And a driving hat like my Granddad had
I want a shed...
On an allotment